Lost Without You
by GellyRoll
Summary: After Zoom kidnap Caitlin, Barry is lost. Old wounds re-open and he's face with his worst fear. Loosing the person he loves the most. Snowbarry
1. Lost Without You

**This was written between brakes in a symposium, I really don't remember why, but I started to divagate about the fact that Team Flash seemed to calm with the idea of Caitlin being taken by Zoom. And I didn't get to finish the fic until now. Just pretend that the actions after 2x19 never happen.**

 **Hope you enjoy it :D**

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She's gone. Zoom has her. Once again she is the one paying for his mistakes, for not being fast enough to stop him. He was the one with super speed ad yet she was the one saving him.

"I can't… not again." How was he supposed to get her back? Without his speed he was useless. Why did the bad guys always kidnap her? But he knew the answer to that question, they wanted her because of her heart. Because of the light she brings everywhere she goes. The last time she was taken they were only available to save her thanks to Harry, but he knew, this time was different, this time, he knew they would not be available to save her without his speed. "I'm not… strong enough."

The sight in front of them broke their heart, Barry laid on the floor sitting on his heels, face in his hands, trying to stop the tears from falling. "I … I can´t… I'm… I'm not strong enough to… to stop him."

"We will find a way to stop him, Barry. We always do." Iris was trying to comfort his broken friend but instead of bringing him comfort her words made him feel even more restless. Making him jump to his feet and start pacing the room like a caged animal.

"How? How do you plan to stop him without my speed?" Barry snaps at his friend, losing the little control he had left. His body was furiously shaking, his breath was short and fast.

 _He was hyperventilating._

Iris tried to reach to him trying to give his friend some kind of comfort "Barry you need to calm down."

"Calm down!? How can you ask me to calm down, when he has her?" Barry was getting worse, he was sweating and looking a lot paler than before. At first, Joe wasn't sure why Barry was so agitated, but after his outburst towards Iris, he knew what was wrong.

 _Barry was having a panic attack._

Slowly approaching his son, Joe placed his hands on Barry's shoulders trying to stop him from pacing the room "Bar… Barry… look at me son. Everything will be fine, we will stop Zoom and we'll bring Caitlin home."

But instead of calming him, his actions only made things worse, the moment the young speedster was stopped from his pacing. His breathing became even more erratically and his heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to burst from his chest. After escaping Joe's grip Barry begun pacing the room again, feeling even angrier at himself for being so useless without his speed. "Why everyone keeps saying that? Nothing is OK, Zoom has her. ZOOM! We don't know why he took her or what he is planning to do with her!"

As those words left his lips a wave of fear flood him, and the room start spinning. What if he kills her? What was stopping him from killing her… from killing them? "She's god knows where with a psychopath! A killer with no remorse! At least everything Eobard did was for a reason a twisted reason but a reason none the less. But Zoom is different, he has no reason behind his action other that causing pain, and now… he... he… he has her and I can't do anything to stop him from hurting her! From hurting all of you."

Trying to calm his son once again, Joe reaches for Barry shoulders forcing him to look to his eyes. "You need to breathe Barry. Slow steady breath. inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale. Slow and steady." After a few minutes of Joe showing Barry the way he should breathe, the speedster calms down, finally regaining some of the control he lost.

Joe wasn't knowing to Barry panic attacks. He just to have him quite frequently when he was a child. Especially in stormy nights when the lighting in the sky would make him remember the yellow blur who killed his mother and made his father go to jail. But that was years ago, he thought his son was finally over them, and even back then they were never this bad; and that's when he knew that not only was Barry scare of Zoom. He was scared of losing Caitlin. He knew his foster son had developed a special bond with the bright and beautiful doctor, but he never thought his feeling for her were so deep.

After coming down from his panic attack Barry couldn't take it anymore, he broke crying his heart out until he had no more tears to shed. Holding to joe's warm embrace as if he life depend on it, and in some way it did, he never felt safer than in Joe's arm. After his tears run out he slowly steps away from Joe, "Dad. I'm scared. I'm supposed to be the hero. I'm supposed to save her. But the truth is, I can't save her, I can't stop him. He is stronger and faster than I would ever be. God dad, she must be so scared and alone."

Seeing Barry with his red and puffy eyes, dried tears on his cheeks brought Joe old memories. The man in front of him wasn't The Flash the hero of Central City, it wasn't Barry Allen, CCPD forensic scientist, no, the man in front of him was the little boy who lost his parent one tragic night all those years ago, the little boy who was afraid to lose everyone he loves. "Bar it's okay to be afraid. Being afraid it's what allows us to know our limits. But knowing our limits doesn't mean we can't do anything about them, it means we can start doing whatever it's necessary to be better and conquer them."

"But I'm normal now, how am I supposed to stop him? More important how are we going to get my speed back?"

Harrison Wells wasn't good leading with people feelings, that's why he studs silent in the room while Joe and Iris tried to calm Barry. He just wasn't good with human emotions; he never knew what to said or do. Which is why he being more than happy to hear Barry ask a question he knew how to answer. "I believe Allen that's something I can help you with."

Barry was beyond static after hearing Harry's words, but was it true? Was he capable of giving his speed back? "You really think you can give me my speed back?"

"I don't think so Allen. I know so." Harry's confidence was contagious and from his time working with him, he knew he was even brighter that Eobard was, but still a part of him knew it had to be too good to be true. "And how exactly are you planning to give me back my speed?"

"I will recreate the particle accelerator explosion that gave you your speed."

Nobody could believe Wells words, yes they were desperate but destroying half of the city in order to give him his speed was a little too much. "For real? Look at what that explosion made to this city."

Cisco who had been silent since he saw last saw his best friend knew it was time to intervene, yes he wanted to save Caitlin and the city, but Harry idea was too crazy, and coming from him it had to mean something. "Barry is right. Not to mention last time we tried something like that we blow a hole in the universe and created like fifth portals to your earth, which by the way, is exactly how Zoom and his henchman came here in the first place."

Harrison knew they were not going to like his plan, but didn't they knew by now that he always knew what he was doing? Yes, he wants to catch Zoom but he was beyond putting his new "team" life in danger in order to catch him, at hard at it is from him to accept him, he really does care about their wellbeing. "I know how to contain the explosion."

Barry couldn't believe Wells cockiness; he knew he was smart but create another dark matter explosion was too much of a danger. "Really? You know how to contain a dark matter explosion?"

"I have your Wells data. Harrison Wells from this earth, I have his science. I know what chemicals needs to be in your body. I know how the lighting needs to bond with the dark matter from the particle accelerator explosion. I can recreate the circumstances to get your speed back. This will work."

After Harrison's speech, he knew that Barry was going to go thru with his idea. Honestly, he knew Barry had accepted his plan since he said he could give him his speed, but his son wasn't thinking straight, he was blinded, by guilt and fear, he had to at least try to make him see reason. "It's too dangerous Barry, look what it did to you last time, you could end in a coma… you could die."

Barry wasn't sure of what to do. He really wanted to stop Zoom but at the same time, he didn't want to risk the city again. "If we don't do this Barry, I won't be available to give your speed back which means we won't be available to bring your Caitlin back." And just like that, Barry had made his mind. Harry really know what to say and when to say it in order for the speedster to angry with his plan.

"Wells is right Joe. I have to do this if I don't get my speed back Zoom is free to do whatever he wants in both of our earths. I have to protect the city and I have to get Caitlin back."

And just like that, Joe saw his stepson walk away to the workshop along with Cisco, Jesse and Wells to begin the preparation to recreated the particle accelerator explosion, he just hopes they wouldn't regret their decision later on.

 _But little did he know that things don't always go as planned._

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 **This may have a second part, but I'm not sure yet.**  
 **Reviews are always welcome.**


	2. I Can't Ever Let You Go

**Before you read this I have to confess that I haven't watched "Invincible" (2x23), which means that any reference to that episode, was based on Sneak Peeks and Tumblr gifs.**

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When she entered STAR Labs she was a little surprised to see Dr. Allen in the Cortex, but then she remembered what Zoom told her. Barry was dead. He died trying to recreate the particle accelerator explosion. At first, she couldn't believe him, he had to be lying, there was no way that Barry, her Barry was dead. She really wanted to believe he was alive but Jay was too happy to be lying; he might not be the man she thought he was, but she was certain that she could still read him like a book, and right now those cold blue eyes, those eyes that once took her breath away weren't lying, Barry was really dead and there was nothing she could do about it.

 _She wasn't there when he need her the most._

But before she could even begin to apologize to the doctor for not being there for his son, Dr. Allen had her sitting on a work bench, carefully doing a checkup of her state. "You're in shock, a little dehydrated and un-nursed but I think you'll be fine." His actions brought a smile to her face, remembering old times when Barry was alive and she was the one doing the checkup.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize who was in front of her, until the person who just enter the Cortex was on his knees in front of her, holding her hands in his. "What happen? Are you ok?"

Was it real? Was he really there? "I'm okay." She answered hesitantly. She was shocked and beyond happy to see Barry alive, Jay told her he was dead and she was so sure he was telling the truth, but none of that matter now.

 _He was alive._

Barry was beyond happy, they were just making a plan to get her back and just like that, she was back at their side. "How did you get away?"

She was really trying to stand strong, but everything was getting too much for her. She was finally back in the lab with the people she loves the most, Barry was alive. She really didn't want to cry, but her eyes were already starting to water. "He... let me go. I didn't think he would I… I thought it was a trap. But... he told me you were dead."

"I'm not. I'm right here. We're all here. Together." Barry couldn't take his eyes from her, he thought that if he let her go from his sight, she'll disappear. Hearing her words and seeing her eyes starting to water, broke his earth. This amazing and strong women, who didn't even flinch when The Rogues and Grodd had taken her, was now breaking in front of him. And that yearning to have her by his side, to never let her go and protect her from everything and everyone who dare to harm her was back, stronger than ever. But it didn't come alone it brought that warm feeling in his heart, but this time, he knew he couldn't; wouldn't ignore it; not anymore, not when he was so close to losing her; to lose an opportunity to explore all those feelings left unsaid between them.

 _He knew he would never be available to let go from all that Caitlin Snow is._

If you ask anybody on Team Flash they would tell you that Harrison Wells from Earth-2 was starting to like them. Well, at least they thought he was. They didn't know if he really cares for them, or if he was only using them to catch Jay, but they were certain that Harrison Wells did care for Caitlin Snow. That the concern he showed for her well-being was real. And how could he not? It was so easy to get lost in everything that Caitlin Snow is; her warmth and love make all your problems disappeared, she makes you feel, worthy and at home, but most importantly she makes you feel love.

Harrison Wells may be bad with dealing with people emotions and he may never know the right thing to do, but right there it didn't matter, he wanted to make her feel safe. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she would constantly check her surroundings and the tension between her shoulders. She may be at home, but she definitely didn't escape Zoom. At least not yet, not completely. "Snow. Jay, it's not here, your safe."

She wanted to believe them, but they haven't seen what she did. They didn't know what he was planning. "He is going to overrun the city; you can't stop him."

"Yes, we can. Listen to me. He is not going to succeed. We got this. This is our earth."

There was a time when Barry's words would have filled her with confidence, but right now she was scared, he was acting like Jay was nothing, like he was Invincible, when he was not. Didn't he remember who he was fighting against? That he almost killed him? "You don't know that. You don't know what he is capable of."

But Barry did know who he was fighting against, but he also knew that no matter how hard Jay tried he would never be available to be one with the Speed Force, and that's why he wouldn't be available to stop him. "I know, from being in the Speed Force, that the universe is with us, not Zoom."

It was so easy to get lost in Barry's confidence, but she knew it couldn't be that easy to defeat Jay, it never was, especially not with enemies as powerful as him. But before she could begin to protest, she felt herself get pulled to her feet. "You been thru a lot, you should get some rest." They slowly walked towards the made up bed at her lab. She really wanted to get some well-needed rest, but she needed to know what Barry went thru while she was gone. "You were IN the speed force?"

"I… when you were gone… it´s hard to explain; we tried to get my powers back with a dark matter lighting, and things didn't go as planned and somehow I end up in the Speed Force unavailable to get back home." Barry couldn't stop holding Caitlin. He craved to give her comfort and the only way he knew how was thru his touch. So they walk, her right hand in his left one. Neither letting go of the other. Protectable placing his left hand on her lower back, guiding her to the bed. "What do you mean you couldn't get back?"

Barry knew he needs her to let her rest, but how could he deny anything to her, when she was looking at him with those big and warm brown eyes pleading him to continue with the story? So he decided to sit with her on the bed, telling her the events from yesterday while still trying to get her to rest. "Well I was without my power so I couldn't open any portals to this Earth and in there the people in the Speed Force didn't want to let me go?"

She was starting to feel the toll of being in Jay's hands, she really wanted the rest, but the more Barry explained to her, the more she wanted to know. "People in the Speed Force?"

"Yes. It was like Earth-2. Sort of." Barry was touch by Caitlin's concern, even thought it was more than obvious she was trying really hard to stay awake, she was as usual more concern for is well-being than her own.

"Then how did you get back?"

Caitlin was practically falling asleep on his shoulder and even though he was trying his best to convince her to get some well-needed rest, he knew that once the young doctor had her mind set on something, there was nothing and no one who could stop her from getting it. "Well, that's even more complicated. Perhaps you want to hear it after you've gotten some rest?"

"No Barry, please tell me. I need to know what happened to you while I was gone."

He got it deep, how was he available to fight his feelings towards this amazing woman for so long was beyond him. "Well you see, Cisco and Wells created some kind of portal, a feedback loop."

Somewhere along the story, Caitlin had decided that his shoulder was no longer comfortable, deciding to lay her head on his lap while he ran his finger thru her auburn hair. And Barry was more than happy to be available to give her some kind of comfort. "Feedback loop?"

"I know it sounds crazy. Cisco had to vibe while holding my suit, then the machine would send his brain waves to another machine, giving Wells the necessary data to pinpoint whatever dimensional pocket or corner of the universe I was in."

"Wow. That sounds rather complicated even for Dr. Wells." Barry could feel her breathing slowing down and her voice sounded even heavier than before. He knew she was slowly falling sleep. "And you haven't heard the rest."

Caitlin didn't want him to stop, it was really relaxing to have her head in his lap while he caressed her head. She felt safe in his presence. That's why she slowly turned around to be available to look into those big green eyes, she loved so much; and pursuing her lower lip out she told him, no to stop, her voice was so low and tired that Barry would have missed it if he weren't so closed to her.

He would never admit it to her, but he loved sleepy Caitlin. In those moments between staying awake and drifting to sleep, she would allow her walls to fall down, letting him see the vulnerable side she kept hidden from everyone else. And once again she managed to convince him no to stop. "Well, after they had my exact location, they electrical stimulate Cisco prefrontal cortex, opening a breach which gave him physical access to me, thus allowing me to come back home."

She was laying on her side, her head still on his lap while he ran his finger thru her hair, his free hand drawing random patterns in her shoulder when a long and soft yawn escaped her lips. "My god. Sounds like you were quite busy while I was gone."

"Yes. We were trying so hard to find a way to get my speed back to save you. But honestly, Cait, how are you?"

She didn't know how to answer his question, on one side she was extremely happy to be back home and to see him alive, she was relief that Jay didn't manage to do much harm to his friends, but a part of her, the most dominant part was scared of Jay, of what he might do to all of them. But she decided to go with the easy answered and deal with the rest later. "I'm fine Barry, really, like you said. I just need a good night rest."

"Ok. Go to sleep. I will be sitting in that chair the whole time. So don't you worry, nothing and no one would hurt you while I'm here". And Barry kept his word, he was by her side the whole time she was sleeping, well that was until Zoom attacked Mercury Labs and he had to go to save Dr. McGee.

When Zoom saw Barry saving Dr. McGee he was mad, he made a mistake, a huge mistake. He thought Barry was dead, which was the only reason he allowed Caitlin to go. He knew that without the speedster it was a matter of time until Caitlin came begging him to spare his poor friend's life, allowing him to finally break her.

 _To finally have her._

 _But he underestimated the speedster and now Caitlin was by his side once again._

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 **Don't hate me for ending this here. This was supposed to be a longer story but the Snowbarry reunion took control of the fic and I decided it was best to continue the rest of it in a different chapter.**

 **Stay tuned for the third part of this story :D**


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